Cheese is Good Food . com

Farm Games - WTF!?!

2010-07-23T22:07:00.043-04:00

OK.... I see these freaking Farm Games everywhere - On Facebook, on my iPhone.... So I downloaded one, and checked it out....

First you have unplowed land:

Then you plow it, which costs money, but gives you experience:

Then you pick something to plant on it:

Then you plant it, which costs you money, but gives you experience:

Then you wait:

And wait and wait... then when it's finished, you pick it and start over..... More experience opens up new stuff you can plant. But it also opens up a bunch of crap that costs you money, and gives you NOTHING....

Is there a goal to this game?

I gained experience points and was able to buy a chair.

The chair does shit for me.... It doesnt give me experience, it doesnt give me money.... it costs me not only money, but a square of my land.... And not only that but it costs me a GEM. How the fuck do you get gems? Oh! You pay real life money for them.

So I pay $1.00 for a gem, to buy a cyber-chair that takes up a square on my 12x12 virtual farm, that offers nothing in return? And these companys are making bookoo bucks....

I want to know who the jackasses are out there buying the chairs!!!

I don't get it.... maybe I'm missing something....

Two Ways in Which I am Better than BP

2010-06-18T17:08:00.001-04:00

I just changed the oil in two of our vehicles.... and in doing so, have discovered two (2) ways in which I am better than BP.

Way #1:

I only spilled about a quart of oil

Way #2:

I cleaned it up immediately.

I may not be better than many people/things... but I think this proves I am better than BP.

Pure Boredom

2010-06-02T21:11:00.001-04:00

Two identical Magic cards, cut into strips, then woven together.....

Lazily "Going Green"

2010-05-23T09:57:00.004-04:00

Over the weekend, I was at a friends house. I needed to use the restroom, but also needed to throw something away.

The following map will help explain:

If you can't see the map, it is here.

It's not quite to scale, but you get the idea.

I started at number 1. The trash can was at number 2, and 'X' marks the spot of the restroom.

The blue lines are the path I followed. When I returned, my friend laughed and said I had gone the long way to the restroom. She suggested the red lines were a much quicker way. Now we aren't talking miles here.... maybe a few extra feet, possibly 10 maybe.

I said that my path, while maybe actually longer, required me to exert less energy, as my momentum was already heading in that direction, and I could simply toss my trash in the can, without stopping, and continue around the house. I argued that stopping, and changing direction would actually require me to put out more energy than taking the 'long way'.

We didn't spend hours discussing it, maybe a minute, maybe not even that long. But I've been thinking about it, and my original excuse was that I am lazy, and it would take extra effort to change my momentum and direction. But after thinking about it... I think maybe subconsciously, I'm helping to save the planet.

Conserving the energy it would have taken to change direction, means smaller carbon footprint right?

Hey, I'm "Going Green"!

So are tasers a deadly weapon or not?

2010-05-18T08:39:00.034-04:00

For years, police departments have been tasing people to simply get them under control.
The most recent being the kid who ran on the field at the Phillies game. Police couldn't catch him, so they tased him. Then took him off the field:

This officers actions were deemed appropriate by the Police department.

And of course we all know the "Don't tase me, bro!" guy:

It was also determined that the police were justified in their use ofthe stun gun in this event.

Police also tased a 72 year old woman who refused to comply with orders:

This too was determined appropriate:

Hell, police have even tased a 6 year old!

And declared that justified as well.

They justify these cases, by the fact that the stun gun is a non-lethal, non-deadly "tool". Unlike their handguns, which obviously are deadly weapons.

Ok, I'm not saying I disagree with any of these decisions. Hell, I love to watch some jackass who thinks he's gonna be cool and run on the field in the middle of a baseball game take 50,000 volts to the back of the neck. I only wish I was there to see it live.

Maybe if they start doing that regularly, ticket sales will increase. I know I'd start going.... anyways, I digress....

If the police justify their using of tasers, as a non-lethal means to subdue a criminal, then why are these women, who chased some guy with a stun gun, being charged with "Assault with a deadly weapon"?

So the police are being quite contradictory here. Is a stun gun a deadly weapon or not? And if it is, why are you using deadly force to stop some guy running around a baseball field?

I call bullshit!

There is no double standard here. Pick one!

Craigs List Psycho - Asbestos Boy

2010-02-17T13:36:00.002-05:00

Ok....

I cleaned my garage recently and have a ton of stuff listed on Craigs List, that I really just have no business holding on to. I just need to get rid of it and reclaim the space in my garage that it is taking up.

I have an old Commodore 128, with disk drive, monitor, and mouse. All still in the original boxes with original manuals and everything.

I always look at things I'm selling on Craigs List, on eBay first, to get an idea of what they are selling for. I then adjust because eBay is a global market, while Craigs List is typically local.

Anyways, I see a couple 128's computer only going for close to $100. Ok, no sweat. I got the drive, monitor and mouse, and all are in original boxes. I should be able to sell it pretty easy if I'm flexible on the price.

So in my ad listing, it asks for price. I put $1. Then in the description, I put "Make me an Offer!"

So I get an email from some guy who asks if the $1 price is what I'm asking.

So I reply and inform him that I'm looking for offers. He replies and says then he's not interested. Ok, no sweat - whatever.

Well I use my Google Voice number when I post things on Craigs List. But on the following Sunday, my direct cell phone number rings. I answer and the caller identifies himself as the guy interested in the 128. "Strange..." I think to myself, as the call didn't come in on my Google Voice number, but whatever.... he offers me $40 for just the computer and drive. I tell him if he can pick it up that day, that he can have it for that price, but he takes everything.

He then asks how long I've had it. I say about 10 years. He asks if I was the original purchaser. I say no, I got it from a buddy. He asks how long the buddy had it. I say "I don't know. Another 10 years maybe." He then asks if my friend was the original purchaser. I tell him as far as I know he was. He asks if they are all in the original boxes. I say they are. He then asks if they are also in the original plastic bags. WTF? I told him I think the monitor is, but not sure about the rest.

He asks if it has been kept in a smoke free environment. I tell him no, that my buddy and I both smoke. He asks if it smells like smoke when you turn it on. I tell him I haven't had it turned on for about 3 years, and then it was only to see if it worked, and that I really didn't notice any smoke smell.

He then tells me to set it up somewhere in the house so he can see it working. I tell him I'll have it set up in the garage. He says a table in the house would be better. I assure him, I'll have it set up in the garage. He then asks if the garage is heated. I say no, but I do have a heater out there I can turn on. He tells me to have it booted up and running a program, and to do it now so it can run a while before he comes over. He says he will be over at 6PM.

Ok, right here I should have known this guy was a fruit loop, but I wanted the damn thing gone.

So he finally arrives and we are making small talk, and I mention that I fix computers for a living. He says he knows. When I replied to his email, I replied from my company email, so he went to my company website, and thats how he got my direct cell number. Ok, this dudes freaking me out.

So he asks how long the computer has been running. I tell him I set it up right after we got off the phone earlier.

He proceeds to pick up the computer and sniff it. He sniffs the keyboard, the top vents, then the bottom vents. Then he feels all the vents. Says hes checking for a heat problem.

Then he picks up and smells the disk drive in the same fashion, then feels it up too.

He then says he will just be reselling the monitor, and do I have a digital camera so he can take pictures of it. I say sure, and give him my phone. He notices something on the monitor and asks for a damp rag. I holler in to my daughter and ask her for a wet paper towel. She brings one. He asks if he can wring it out on my floor. Um, sure I guess.... whatever.... so he does, and cleans the spot off the monitor.

He then proceeds to snap a few pictures, and asks me to email them to him, which I do.

Then he says he has brought a program and asks if he can load it up. Sure I tell him, and he does.

After the game loads, he gets it to the player selection screen, then disconnects the drive.

He asks if I mind him taking it apart to look at the inside. Sure whatever dude - you've already sniffed it and felt it up, why not. So I give him a screwdriver, and he proceeds to dismantle the drive. He looks into it, sniffs it again, and comments that it needs a cleaning.

A cleaning? Are you kidding me? The thing is over 20 years old, and has been in my garage for 10 of those - hell yes it needs a cleaning!

So then he puts the drive back together and asks if he can dismantle the computer itself. Sure, why not. So it requires a star bit. I give him one, but two of the holes are too deep and it wont fit. So he says screw it and gets ready to put it back together. Then asks if I have one of those L shaped things. "An Allen wrench?" I say. "Yes" says he. So I grab one that seems to fit OK and he removes the rest of the screws.

Well, it still won't pop apart. Maybe some tabs or something inside that were holding it. So he says Oh Well, and puts it back together. He then proceeds to unplug everything. So he grabs the monitor box, and pulls out all of the Styrofoam, and plastic. He then empties out the dust bunnies that have gathered in the bottom. Then he proceeds to pack up the monitor. I give him a hand and we get it back in the box.

Then he packs up the drive. Removes everything from the box, and empties the dust bunnies into the trash. Loads the drive into its foam, then into the box. Then he played this little "which books and cables goes in which box" game. Shuffling them all around. I'm like "The monitor book, and the monitor cables go with the monitor. The drive book and cables go with the drive. Everything else goes with the computer."

I don't think he got it for a while because he kept shifting everything around and asking what went where.

Now he's only got the computer to box up. So I know hes going to clean the box, so I step out back to smoke. I can still see him, I just gathered he wasn't a smoker, and didn't want to be a jerk and smoke in the room with him and his new computer.

So sure enough, he takes everything out of the box, and proceeds to dump the dust bunnies into the garbage. Then he asks if I have a lighter.

I look over and can see what appear to be spider nest/egg things in the corner of the box. I ask if he found some spiders, and he says yes, so I throw him my lighter.

I see him pick one of the white things out the box, and proceed to burn it. Look at it, Burn it again, Look at it again, throw it away, grab another, do the same thing. Im wondering what he's doing, so I put out my cigarette, and walk over.

"Does this look like Asbestos to you?" he says.

Whhaaaaaaaaaat??? Are you serious?

I'm like "I dont know what Asbestos looks like."

So then he asks if I think it got in there at my house, or at my buddies house. "I honestly can't say" I tell him. So then he asks what type of insulation I have in my attic. I don't have a clue, but tell him he's more than happy to go check it out. He says he'd like to, so I pull down the attic access in my garage and he climbs up.

Is it the same I ask? Kind of he says.

While he was in the attic, I went to my garage PC and turned on some music. When he comes down from the attic, he asks if I can get Google on that PC. I tell him I can and he asks if he can use it. "Sure" says I.

So I glance over his shoulder, and hes on Wikipedia reading about Asbestos. Then reading about fiberglass insulation. Hes reading for about 15 minutes. During this time, my wife comes outside and sees the attic is open, and the guys on the computer. She gives me a "WTF?!?!" look. I just shake my head.

So he comes off the computer and asks if he can grab a piece of my insulation.

Help yourself dude!

So he goes upstairs and grabs a piece, then proceeds to the trash can and starts trying to burn it. I give him a pair of needle nose pliers to hold it, cause I'm cool like that. So he burns a few pieces, and I ask "Does it burn the same?" he says "Kinda" then throws it away, and heads back to the computer.

I'm talking to my wife, and a few minutes later, he says "I hate to do this to you."

I'm thinking "No Effing Way Dude!"

He says "But I'm gonna have to pass, sorry. That stuff just freaks me out."

I say no problem, open the door, shake his hand and say see ya.

Its now like 8:30.

2.5 hours for a $40 item, and you turn it down because you think it has asbestos in it??? WTF?!?!?

So two days later, I get an email from another person interested in it. He says he'll give me $75.00

I tell him if he can pick it up that day its his. He says he can and will call when he's on his way.

About 30 minutes later, my direct cell phone rings. I answer it and its Asbestos Boy. He apologizes for freaking out, and states he would like to come buy the computer if I still have it. I inform him someone is coming to look at it. He asks what time they will be there. I said they were going to call when they were on the way. I told him if they didn't buy it, I would call him. He asked me to call either way. I agreed.

The other guy shows up. I tell him we can hook it up if he'd like to see it work. He says its not necessary. Hands me $75 takes the computer and rolls out.

I sent Asbestos Boy an email that simply read "The 128 has been sold."

Thermal grease rape

2010-01-20T21:24:00.002-05:00

Ok...

On my way home from work today, I bought two things. A 12 pack of beer, and a tube of thermal grease.

For those of you who don't know what thermal grease is, here's a quick explaination:

In your computer, between your CPU and the heatsink, is a thin layer of grease to transfer the heat from your CPU to the heatsink.

That's thermal grease.

Anyways....

The 12 pack cost me $7.02.

That's 12 beers, each one is 12 ounces. That's 144 ounces of beer (a little over a gallon) for $7!

The thermal grease was .12 ounces. It cost $10.

Here's a comparison...

That tiny syringe thing is the grease.

So, at .12 ounces, that means it would take 100 of those to make 1 can of beer.

On top of that, it would take 1200 of those to make a 12 pack.

So in order for me to buy the same amount of thermal grease that I bought in beer today for $7, it would cost $12,000.00

Yes, twelve THOUSAND dollars!!!

They rape you at the thermal grease store...

Vinyl at Goodwill

2009-11-21T15:24:00.002-05:00

I stopped in the Goodwill store today to browse through their vinyl.

90% of it was classical composers.

Does this say something about the people who donate there, or the people who shop there?

The Snuggle Bear is a Damn Nazi!

2009-11-19T10:26:00.001-05:00

Humans are Retards

2009-11-18T09:35:00.003-05:00

Ok... Cavemen were called "cavemen" because.... well... they lived in.... wait for it.... CAVES!

Ok.

According to Dictionary.com, a cave is: a hollow in the earth

So basically the walls, ceiling, and floor are all rock or dirt....

Well, cavemen eventually discovered fire... They figured out that wood is totally flammable, and burns great!

"We can totally burn wood, and stay warm and all we have to do is sweep up the ashes!!" - Some caveman

So... at what point did MAN... the braniac who figured out that wood is highly flammable... decide to move out of the rock/dirt cave... and into a home made of..... yep, wood?

How To Make Ramen Noodles (The Right Way)

2009-10-22T06:57:00.005-04:00

Forget what the package says about making Ramen. If you follow those directions you'll end up with crap stew.

Here's the absolute best way in the world to make Ramen:

First, beat the hell out of the ramen. Smash it all up inside the bag.

Then, get a pot of water boiling. It doesn't matter if it's 2 cups or 55 cups. As long as theres enough water to cover the noodles and keep them covered for 3 minutes while boiling:

After the water is boiling, toss in your crushed up noodles. Be sure to keep that sweet, sweet flavor packet to the side:

Now, let the noodles boil for 3 minutes. You may stir occasionally if you'd like to feel like you're really cooking something:

Now, once that's done boiling, grab a colander:

Pour the ramen pot into the colander, and strain off all the water. Do not rinse!!! Then after the water is pretty much out of the noodles, pour the noodles in a bowl:

Now take the heavenly goodness that is the Ramen noodle flavor packet, and pour it right on top of your freshly cooked noodles:

Now, stir the flavoring throughout the noodles:

And voila! Now, instead of "Chicken Broth with Plain Noodles" (which is what you'd end up with if you followed the instructions on the package), you end up with "Chicken Flavored Noodles" and they are freaking AWESOME!!!!

Even if youve tried Ramen before, but cooked the crap stew that the instructions say to cook... try this - its great!!!

** DISCLAIMER ** I am not responsible for any health related issues due to the sodium intake from preparing ramen this way. Thats what makes it so good! If you can't have lots of salt, or are on some weird ass low-sodium diet, go eat a rice cake!

Famous Footwear Fails... 1.... 2.... 3 times!

2009-09-14T09:41:00.003-04:00

Famous Footwear might be good at providing a good price on shoes, but they fail miserably when it comes to the Internet...

Fail #1:
I received a shipping confirmation from them that my order had shipped. It said the shipping method was UPS ground, and listed my tracking number, and a link to track my package. I clicked the link and it took me to UPS.com which informed me I entered an incorrect tracking number. I checked that the number that was being tracked was the same as the one listed in my email, it was.

So I went to Famous Footwear's website and logged into my account. There was an option to track my order so I clicked it. It took me to FedEx.com which informed me that my package was indeed en route, and was last checked in West Virginia.

Fail #2:
I clicked on the Contact Us link to inform Famous Footwear of their utter failure in correctly listing and linking to the shipping provider in their confirmation email. However, instead of an email address to send my correspondence to, it provides me with a web form through which I must make my comment.

Not to go off on a tangent here, but I HATE!!!!! companies that make you submit comments or questions via a web form. HATE IT!!! Volkswagen of America makes you do this and has like a 200 character limit on their form. How the fuck am I supposed to make an intelligent comment or question in 200 characters or less? how do u swtch 2 a rabit? Like that? What the fuck!?!?!

Anyways, So I type the following into the form (without the hyphens of course):

-----------------------------------
The email you sent me for shipping confirmation contained the following:

Shipping Method: UPS Ground
Tracking number for this item: 9102185456352039968967
Please allow 1-2 days for tracking information to appear.

The tracking number was linked, and clicking it took me to UPS.com tracking site, trying to track the number.

UPS site said it was an invalid tracking number.

So I logged into your website, and tracked it, and your site tracked it properly, but it is a FedEx shipment, not UPS.

So my comment is basically that your confirmation email was incorrect in both the Shipping Method, as well as the link to track my shipment.

Thanks.

CJ
-----------------------------------

So I hit submit, and it says: "No special characters allowed" and will not let me submit the comment.

Thinking the colons might be the problem, I remove them. Same error. So I remove ALL the punctuation.... same problem.... WTF!?!?

Fail #3:
I erase all the above that I had typed, and type the following:

-----------------------------------
Your shipping confirmation email is wrong, and this form im typing you this comment is is broken. It wont let me send you my comments, so if you're interested, email me
-----------------------------------

Click submit, and I get: "No special characters allowed"

Maybe the letter 'c' is now considered a special character!?!? I don't know...

So I erase it and simply type: This form is broke

It worked fine, and sent my comments along.

I don't get flies at all

2009-07-31T01:20:00.002-04:00

What the hell? A fly lands near you, you swat at it, it flies away, then comes right back....

I don't think flies have the self preservation gene that every other animal in Wild Kingdom haves.

If I went to McDonalds, and every time I tried to place my order, the cashier would try to kill me, I don't think I'd be going back to McDonalds....

There's either a synapse in the flies brain that ain't connecting, or all flies are retarded. Either way... How are you gonna try to land on my beer 45 times, when I'm totally trying to squash your ass every time you land on it?

I think the lifespan of a fly is really short, so maybe that has something to do with it... Maybe they're like: i got 2 days to live... I'm drinking beer if it kills me!!

Flies are still annoying...

-- Post From My iPhone

Michael Jackson's Death

2009-06-26T07:41:00.001-04:00

No one cares! He was a pedophile and a jackass...

Corey Feldman: you're a washed up 80's child actor. No one cares what you think! Get a job!

MPAA, RIAA, Software Groups, Torrents and Lawsuits

2009-06-21T11:16:00.003-04:00

Ok.... my initial question is: Is it illegal for me to download a torrented copy of a title I own, which I legally purchased from a retailer?

For example, I own The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion... I bought it al Wal-Mart. I have the disc in my hand as I type this...

But typing with one hand is difficult, so I'm setting it aside....

Anyway, I own the game, but it is scratched to shit, and will not install. So I downloaded a torrented copy. Have I broken any laws? I personally do not see how I could have broken any laws. The law gives me the ability to keep a backup copy in case of disc failure. So this is my backup copy. I've given them my $50, and they've given me the rights to own, install, and play the game....

That being said, the real question behind my post is that when someone gets served court papers for downloading torrents, it always spells out the specific titles. Why then, do these people not go out and purchase the titles (if they do not already own them) and claim fair use as a defense. I would think if you sent an correspondence to the MPAA, RIAA, or software company, with a scan of the store bought copy of the disc and explained that it was too scratched to be read, they would have no choice but to drop the suit.

Now I understand that those that SHARE files would not be covered by this, but I've read many news articles where people get sued, and LOSE for downloading torrents. I just think this would be a foolproof way to get the suit dropped. Sure it might cost you a couple hundred bucks if there are many titles.... but it's cheaper than a $50,000 fine....

XM Radio and Fungus 53

2009-06-11T08:44:00.003-04:00

Oh, how I love it when XM sends me solicitations to rejoin...

Because they always come with a postage paid envelope....

Here's my latest reply:

Central Virginia Vintage Volkswagens - C3V

2009-05-14T09:23:00.008-04:00

How do you know the local VW car club (http://www.c3vs.com/) you joined isn't right for you?

When one of the founding members sends you the following email:

From: williamwright56@gmail.com

If this is to much drama for you to comprend,stay off of this sight!!!!!

What a fucking douchebag...

BB&T Security Questions

2009-05-13T10:42:00.002-04:00

Hey BB&T - Enter the 21st Century! Hell! Enter the 20th Century!

2009-05-11T19:00:00.003-04:00

I just bought me a new Hyundai Accent as you probably noticed from a few posts earlier....

Well I got my Loan Statement in the mail from BB&T a few days ago, and my payment is due, so I signed onto their website to create an account to make my car payments.

This is my first time ever dealing with this bank. I always assumed they were a good bank, because they seem to be a small, personable bank.... unlike Bank of ~~America~~ Pakistan...

It created my account and never told me what my password was. Either that, or I just plain missed it. A follow up email explaining what my password is would be nice.

But that's beside the point.....

Since I don't know what my password is, I call them....

The lady tells me what my password is, but says that unfortunately, the only types of payments they do not take online are car payments......

Unfortunate for who? You or me?

Ok, so what are my options??

She tells me, either mail the payments, take them to a branch, or pay over the phone for a $5 fee.... A WHAT?!?!

$5 TO GIVE ONE OF YOUR DUMBASS PAKISTANI SWEAT SHOP WORKERS MY BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION? SURELY YOU JEST!!!

But no..... jest, they do not....

So BB&T must be like the only fucking bank in the ~~free~~ World that doesn't take online car payments, and thinks I'm going to pay them $5 to give them my personal info over the phone....

Wake the fuck up! It's 2009....

And to think I took this loan to save 1/4 of a percent interest over my mostest favorite bank in the world: USAA

God I'm an idiot.....

But it's a lesson learned - Never again will I be banking with BB&T......

To All My Friends

2009-05-06T22:21:00.005-04:00

How to pour the perfect Black and Tan

2009-05-05T15:32:00.003-04:00

Short answer: Buy you a Brutul Turtle

The Brutul Turtle is a device that sits on the top of your glass. After filling the glass halfway with your favorite "tan" beer (I use Harp), put the turtle on your glass, and slowly pour your favorite "black" beer on it's shell. This makes a perfectly layered black and tan everytime.

Before discovering the turtle, I always used the back of a spoon. While this works (most of the time), the turtle works ALL the time. Plus you don't get the huge mess that you get with a spoon when the beer runs down the handle, then down the outside of your glass!

If you'd like to pour the perfect black and tans, in the comfort of your own home, I highly recommend the Brutul Turtle. I keep mine in the freezer with all my pint glasses, so it's nice and chilled when I use it.

Here's a photo of a black and tan, poured with the turtle...

IM Push Notification on iPhone

2009-04-28T15:40:00.002-04:00

Ok, maybe I'm late to the game, but I've found a workaround for the lack of push notification for IMs on the iPhone...

First of all it requres IM+, the paid version, from Shape Services. Right now it is on sale for $7.99 instead of the original $9.99.

You also need unlimited texting, or it could get expensive.

IM+ is also really sweet because it also works with all your IM clients: AOL, Google, MSN, Facebook, MySpace, Yahoo, and Jabber.

First, there are a couple options in IM+ to setup. First, set it to keep you online even when ya close it. I set mine for 3 days. Then set it to email you when you get an IM.

Next set up your email address as [your cell phone number, including area code]@txt.att.net

Now, when you receive an IM, even when the app is closed, you will receive notification via SMS. Then you just pop into IM+ and there's your message, waiting to be replied to....

DIY Ottoman

2009-04-24T23:50:00.004-04:00

I finished up the ottoman for my wife today, so here's a little how-to post with some pics.

She wanted one that opens like a chest so she could store some things in it.

Tools needed:

Mandatory - Smokes and PBR!

Optional - everything else.....

You can make a great ottoman in your mind, without the need for any tools on a twelver of PBR....

But if you ACTUALLY want to make one, then you'll need:

An ottoman you made out of plywood.

I made the box a while ago, and don't have any pictures of that process, but just know this... To make an ottoman, you first need to make a wooden box.

Here's mine, 4' x 2' x 1.5' tall:

Why did I choose that size? Because it was originally going to be a casket for my 11 year old daughter who was reeeeeealy getting on my nerves that day.....

No, seriously, I'd never kill my daughter.....

I'd pay someone else to. I can't stand the sight of blood....

You'll also need:

Spray on Adhesive

Staple Gun (Remeber after the DIY Poker Table, we bought an electric one)

Fabric

Batting

Upholstery Tacks

A Hammer (for the tacks of course)

2" foam

Some type of hinge device

A Screwdriver (Electric if you buy the hinge I did that takes 400,000 fucking screws)

Now that you have all your materials together, sit down and have a beer.

After you finish your PBR, take the lid of the box, then take some spray on adhesive, and spray it all over the top of the lid.

Then affix your 2" foam to it. Flip it foam side down and stand on it. My glue dried quickly.

Now, lie your box on it's side, and lay your batting out and get it where you want it, then lift one side, glue it, lift the other side and glue it. You want some to hang over both the top and bottom of the box, and wrap around the ends as well.

Depending on the length of your batting, you may be able to get 2,3 or maybe all 4 sides with one piece. Mine was too long for 2 sides, but too short for 3, so I trimmed it, glued it, then did the same with a second piece:

When I put the second piece on, I overlapped the first piece a little at each end:

Ok, so the batting is done, lay your box down and admire your badass skills!

Now, put the top on and say "oh shit yeah!"

And there you have it, your own DIY ottoman!! Kick back, relax, drink a beer......

Nah... Just fucking around... About the being done part. You still need to have your beer, then come back and finish up....

After your beer, flip the box back on it's side and cut a piece of cloth slightly bigger than the side.

I used "suede" to do mine, and it had this funky ass edge, so I cut it off....

Now staple down one side. Don't staple near the ends, as we have to do something in a bit before stapling those.

Now flip it on it's end and cut another piece of fabric slightly bigger than the end. Staple it down, keeping the fabric taunt. Fold the corners down to the bottom side of the box like you do a Christmas present.

And on the top side, fold the corners into the box, and staple.

Now were on to the long side ends, where we didn't staple before. But it's kind of a tricky part, so go grab a beer....
After your beer, your going to take the ends, and fold them over. I made mine overlap the end by 2". I just picked it cause it was easy to remember. If you want fatass ends, go for it. If you want tiny little petite ends, have at that too. I think the 2" folds look pretty good.
Fold the fabric, then overlap the end by however big you want your overlap, and tack it with an upholstery tack.
Go ahead and put a few tacks in it to keep it in place. These tacks are going to be in the finished product, so make sure you like where you put them, and the way they look.

Now pull the fold down the bottom of the box, and pull the other material over it. Again, sort of like wrapping a christmas present.

Staple it all up good, then trim off all the extra fabric on the bottom. Trim it to about 1" from the staples.
Now it should be all pretty like!!
Go have a celebratory smoke and beer!!
After that, just do the same thing for the other long side, and fold and tack the end again, and you should have something that is beginning to resemble furniture...
Now you can go add more tacks if you'd like. I put five tacks per fold. You can do more, you can do less... I don't know what harm is done in either scenario, so just do what you think looks good.
Now, flip the box, and do the other end piece and you two folds there, staple, and trim. The box is done! Go have another beer!
The top is easy. Just like in the DIY Poker Table, you just lay it on the fabric, pull and staple. Apparently after all those beers, I forgot to take pictures of this step. But it's simple. The hardest part is the corners, but if you just play with them, and pretend your wrapping a christmas present for yourself, you'll get it.
After you cover the top, lay it on the box.

Wow! That's dang purty! Another beer? Nah. lets go ahead and hinge this bastard first.
Now i fucked the hinge up. I always do. Me and hinges ain't never seen eye to eye, and if I got a hinge to put on something, you can bet safe money on me putting the hinge on twice.
Well this was no different.
I bought one of those long ass hinges. Im not sure what they're really for. Hell, they could really be for this exact application, but I'd never know. Any how, thats what I bought.
So I laid the box on it's back, on top of some 2x4's as the foam on the top is 2" thick. (Hey now, thats using your fucking noodle!)
And I opened the hinge flat and screwed it in! One side of the hinge against the bottom of the lid, the other along the back, inside wall of the box.

Fuck it! Looks good to me!Lets close her up and see how she looks!

It might be a little difficult to see in that photo, but the lid is shifted about 1/4" forward. Or should I say shifted the width of the plywood used for the box, forward.... Dammit! Mounted the fucking hinge wrong!
Time for a pissed off, cry in my beer, beer....
Afterwards, I took the hinge off of the box, but left it on the lid, I'm sure the lid is good.
Instead of screwing it to the inside, back wall of the box, this time I screwed it to the top of the back wall. so it's like in the edge of the plywood.
It's kind of a bitch to do, and I had to enlist the help of my son, a stool, a Wii Fit board, and some magazines to get it to the right height. He held, I screwed.
Ok, lets close it, and see if I got it right this time....
Holy Mary! Mother of Jesus! It fits! And it looks gooooood!
But now, does it open?

Holy shit! johnny Fucking Carpenter does it again!!!
Now there's only one thing left.
Push it up next to your sofa.....
Kick back.... drink a beer.... and watch pirated movies!!!

Texas Thieves Had it Right in 2004

2009-04-24T08:25:00.003-04:00

The Texas Thieves totally called this CraigsList Killer back in 2004... but their version was a guy buying classic cars.. not a dude cruising for a massage....

Norton Security Scan is a Piece of Shit!

2009-04-15T23:55:00.003-04:00

The following is my opinion:

Norton Security Scan is MALWARE!!!

This piece of shit software continues to install itself on my PC.

Ever since the Norton tools were bought by Symantec, they have sucked ass and I would never install, nor would I ever recommend anyone install, one of their products.....

They claim to be a security company, but thats just a ruse.....

    RANDAL
  (turning the page)
 I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.

   INDECISIVE CUSTOMER
 I beg your pardon!

   RANDAL
  (reading on)
 Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to
 trick me.

If their product weren't malware, then why shouldn't I be able to uninstall via Control Panel, or an UNINSTALL program?

http://service1.symantec.com/Support/tsgeninfo.nsf/docid/2005033108162039
http://service1.symantec.com/SUPPORT/num.nsf/docid/2002110814042611

This goddamn Security Scan piece of shit is the worst!

I've uninstalled it like 3 times in the past 4 months.

This is what I've done tonight:

Unistalled the piece of shit
Created a c:\Norton Security Scan directory
Left it empty, and made it READ ONLY
Lets see if it installs itself again......